The One Thing I Don’t Ever Want To Do

Wanting to get married ... but is he or she right for you?

“You’ve never been married?” Some have stammered with shock and disbelief over the years searching me with wannabe x-ray eyes and a mind riddled with assumptions and probing questions.

“Never been married, and I’ve never been divorced either,” I confidently retort.

Point being, I NEVER want to divorce.

Their reaction to my befitting response generally disarms and silences that quizzical mind that is about to hurl an almost accusatory tone of inquiries that borders on the edge of insulting all the way up to and including, “what’s wrong with you then?”

For some reason it’s almost as if they are personally injured because I didn’t choose marriage such as they did or possibly feel I have been robbed of marital bliss that all human beings should know about and experience. Quite frankly, I have not met anyone, even in the best of marriages, that hasn’t had to work through some tough issues in a lifelong commitment.

So the truth is what is RIGHT with and for me? What is right for you and what is right for me may have an ultra sharp contrast.

I have waited. On purpose. For God’s best. In His timing. For His purpose. I have heard His glorious voice that told me “single, for now,” when I asked. And, I don’t have the angst and worry that many singles do that have not married as marriage is not the center of the universe for me.

Paul, in the New Testament, even wisely addressed this ideal of singleness and that it is highly beneficial to remain, even as he was … single, in order to fulfill the work of God, unencumbered. He points to the topic of singleness in I Corinthians 7:8 and carefully uses the word “good” that one remains in a free state of being, that carries with it a vast and surprising meaning in the original Greek text. That very meaning even tips over the line into a definition that could be mistaken as “better” and carries an exquisite and lengthy root word trail wrapped up in descriptions such as “praiseworthy, magnificent, precious, and honorable,” which is spelled out in the Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance.

Praiseworthy? Magnificent? Precious? Honorable?

How’s that for the truth!? This is exactly why I don’t like to run toward a lifelong commitment.  What better way to prove maturity in Christ than to choose Him as the primary focus, even though there is nothing wrong with marriage as he continues to discuss in that powerful set of verses in I Corinthians 7. Paul was not lonely and depressed, but simply, and overwhelmingly, and willingly available, to the Lord’s purpose and plan.

My challenge to anyone who questions an on-purpose-single such as I am, is to do a word study on these verses in the Word of God before they decide to turn and lecture by making assumptive comments or allowing the unsolicited advice to begin with and basing it on the desires of the average Joe or Josephine they have met. It may even challenge some to look into their own lives and see if they too are not called to singleness if given a moment of meditation and reflection. There is nothing more gratifying than understanding one’s call, so rather than fear singleness, find out if it might just be for you.

I am vastly contented in my 47 years of freedom from the yoke of marriage, and have been quite fulfilled in my marriage to the Lord.  Some cannot fathom this and one woman years ago even flat out called me something short of a liar. That’s when I knew I was talking to someone who couldn’t survive without a man herself; therefore the rest of the women in the world must be just like her. Right? Poor lady. Even more ridiculous, sometimes one will reach over and pat my hand and look at me with a pseudo compassion – completely displaced I might add, affirming that God will bring “him” one day … just you wait honey, “it” will happen.

Nothing could grovel my bones harder than the misguided idea that I have been feeling dissed, hurt, lonely or any other misnomer to that cause because there is not a significant earthly other, as if all singles are panting and pining for a mate. It never quite hits them in the way of wisdom that maybe some singles really choose to be alone and that some of us have had some very interesting suitors that have turned our taste buds completely off to marriage for the present, only to be replaced with a vastly more fulfilling call in God’s work. Not only that, marriage is hard work! And I am not so sure I want to add a line item of marriage with a number of work orders attached to it that will naturally float to the top in importance and attention in my life until I am good and ready.

God has given me an enormous amount energy, ridiculous ambition, and a fistful of diamonds of ministry that I serve with my whole heart, and it would take a very special man to share in that energy, joy, and calling, and not feel threatened, or become needy in the process. The Lord has equipped me for His work. In turn, if and when that elusive gentleman of mine presents himself, I want to go in with my eyes wide open, equipped with the understanding that we are a team and not in competition, and that we have all the “stuff” that is needed to be a success. There is nothing I would love more than to serve my husband in a way far better than he even prayed for … but the Lord can only create that cocktail mix for all the necessary elements to be in place. Namely – that we were made for one another. I have dreams and baggage and I imagine he will too, so it has to be the perfect fit and I will not settle for anything different nor will I get married just to be married to beat the clock only to end up in divorce or worse — marriage with infidelity present somewhere. Trapped in a disappointing marriage because I didn’t want to wait? NO WAY!!

Has God’s call cost me the opportunity for children? Possibly so, … but I could be the rare 50 something year old woman someday that married in God’s perfect timing and gave birth and beat the shocking snot out of everyone.  Yet, never has it been burning in my bones to hear babies crying at 3 a.m. nor to deal with a possible dysfunctional teenager. I’m not really wired for that, just like it’s not been in me for the immediate drive to marry out of high school or college. If the Lord should so wish for me to have children, step or home grown, He will be faithful to give me the ticket before I climb on board.

So there it is, from the beginning of time … that simply dynamic complicated union … which has become the emotionally charged target for descriptives tethered to its side ranging from “the hardest thing one has ever done” to the “best move one has ever made,” that life engulfing entity that dreams or nightmares are made of, that life-altering experience that offers a variety of material that film makers can draw from … the source for fulfillment, emptiness, excitement, hard work, ministry, thrills, boredom, strength, sorrow, great love, bitter disappointment, happiness, faithfulness, depression, peace, infidelity, challenge, frustration, abuse, total and complete joy, electric chemistry, great-boring-or-no-sex, the source for so many thousands of dollars spent in counseling and legal fees, that fascinating union of two, that God-given gift and creation … called … marriage.

Marriage … couples blend together and consummate their lives, their individual character traits, interests, talents, skills, beliefs, cultures, family background, belief systems, approaches to parenting, and more, and the entire process is often found to be the very hammer that pounds out the strengths and weaknesses of the couple who dared to enter over into its threshold. And for those very reasons listed above, I have approached marriage with a painful caution even slipping over the edge into a viewpoint of cynicism.

I was birthed into my two immediate families – one of mom, one of dad, who have successfully created sixteen hefty complicated divorces and a host of remarriages and blended family unions, diversifying every holiday as children work to figure out how to juggle one family verses the other, or as well as the other, for a visit–not to mention, a number of divorces that exist throughout my non-immediate family with the greats, the cousins, and so on. Some of those people have actually managed to marry and divorce multiple times in a short record number of years, or have remained single since then, and some finally got it “right” or simply decided that one more scar on the heart was unwelcomed. Nothing like a little variety in life-mates right?

Yes, few, very few, marriages successfully survived the worst and remain intact, namely my grandparents who have been together for over 73 years. It has been tough and difficult, but they have also been a source of delight for one another not to mention that they love their children and grandchildren voraciously. Being the first born grandchild and only grand-daughter, I have grown old enough now to see things with my own eyes and have listened to the stories of old and new to learn the reality check of marriage. I am not sure I would want a marriage like theirs at all. In fact, I know I don’t for a variety of reasons I will refrain from unpacking.

There has been more than one opportunity for marriage for me, but deep in that women’s instinctive gut He gave us girls, there was no doubt, they were not “the one.” It was hard to walk away, many tears and heart ache involved, and often I have questioned God as to what the purpose of that set up was for, only to fall back on the original truth in my heart — that I never really enjoyed the dating process that I figured later was for this very reason … it’s not in the Bible. It’s an “American tradition” as Elisabeth Elliot pointed out personally to a group of us in a women’s conference years ago and at that point, I nearly stood and applauded her insight at the podium in that God could do a splendid job of matchmaking without our help. Help that usually turns things into a mess. We end up with people that the Lord never intended for us.

Yes, He can use dating, but often we yield to a wrong match making process that’s Plan B when our Father had a much better idea with Plan A. I choose Plan A. Still, I have yet to truly encounter the man, single and ready, with whom I have that natural chemistry and complimentary match up of the fundamental basics that one would not want to survive without in a lifelong commitment. Never settled, never will. God has created me as an Eve for a perfect fit for my earthly Adam husband, aside from the spiritual Husband I already have called Jesus Christ. After all, in the book of Isaiah, He is called our Husbandmen. That to me, is worth its weight in gold.

One close friend said it was exactly what she had prayed for when she married at 42, that her husband most certainly filled “the list” she had created for her praying friends to offer to the Lord after multiple years in ministry service which has yielded her a beautiful speaking ministry AND she got the marriage goods to go with that gift. Had she married younger, she would have missed one of the most incredible ventures in mission work that anyone could have ever imagined. No, it was not easy in ministry all the way, and unlike me, she truly did want to be married all along. But in God’s timing, He brought her – her imperfectly perfect man and no doubt she would not have it any other way.

Conversely, there is no way to summarize and count correctly the number of pain filled voices I have heard of women and men who wished they had never married him or her, or wished they had waited, or hurried into marriage because they were pregnant, or married for sex or money or loneliness, or simply, because they thought it was time. But the big one that REALLY rips me a new set of angries, are the stories of marriage that yielded to the pressure of parents, the church, friends or otherwise.

For the love of everyone, why would anyone pressure their children, a friend, or a minister, to marry someone that they may not deeply love, or have chemistry with, or could have massive issues with down the line? Is it pride, money, prestige that drives us to put someone into the hot seat? What are we doing when we try to live vicariously through our children or friends and miss the greatest satisfaction aside from our love of the Lord … the love from a man or woman that was divinely made to fit us in every way with a spiritual yoking that fits? Oh how vital that is for making a union peaceful and those complimentary gifts for one another that provide balance and a sense of relief as the other mate has got our back in those places we are weak.

My mother and father have never pressured me into marriage to any degree whatsoever and I am all the more blessed to have not made that mistake of yielding to the wrong situation. Probably they didn’t ride my heels for marriage or grandchildren because they have been married a time or two or three themselves and they know full well what it entails. Thank you mom and dad.

How about this one–physical desires and intimacy? Assumptions cannot be made here about how “it” will be. So, imagine if one will, openly discussing and expressing wants and fantasies even before marriage to a fiancé in a spirit of chaste respect, so that they are aware of expectations going in rather than bitter disappointment after the nuptials took place. Not being correctly balanced with the person the Lord has made as an Eve for an Adam, could almost guarantee a lack of fulfillment in this area, possibly leading to infidelity and a tearing asunder as one searches for that very basic need outside of their vows that our Creator Himself intended to be fulfilled by the right person inside of marriage. Oh the woes of being unfaithful, but oh the woes of why they did it and the numerous examples in history of those devastating consequences of a cheating spouse. Dissatisfaction in this precious part of marriage doesn’t just affect the couple alone, it affects everyone else too.

Married men or women may act the part of a seducer and not even be aware they are doing this, simply because they are hungry for stimulation mentally from someone else that is attractive, and then emotional and ultimate physical desires will soon follow. Think on that chain reaction a minute and see how that could be true and the path where that could lead. I will say though, I truly understand why some do wander. Since marriage is already filled with challenges, it’s even harder if it’s to the wrong person. The wrong person can make it supremely difficult and one will feel rejected, unloved, unsupported, and this can go on for years and years at a time. We can hardly blame a person for looking around and comparing when times are tough, but then when actions follow, it gets ultra-complicated. When one is not fulfilled in Christ first, they can make the unwise choice all the way down the line in who and why they marry to begin with, all the way to the trip outside of marriage if things are not going well. It boils down to our identity in Christ and our trust in Him for His choice for us. Do NOT settle.

Summing up, without a doubt I have with great certainty come to the conclusion that 99% of the reasons couples don’t survive marriage is because they did not marry their divinely created Eve or their Adam that was designed as a teammate to withstand what life can hurl at them, albeit we will still sin even with the right fit as happened in the Garden of Eden. But it’s so much better to be equally yoked. It’s a choice to marry right, and a choice to stay right within that boundary of commitment. Not being equally yoked can devastate and disable even the most well-meaning suitors and marital partners.  Big woops is all I have to say if we settle for less. I have even seen blessed second or third marriages when the first one or two spelled mistake. Now the Baptists would have a field day with that comment, but I have indeed seen this to be true.  God works with us despite our mistakes – even divorce, for He is a gracious and loving God and if we are made in His image with His gigantic heart of love. I want ALL of that love for you and for me when we choose a mate.

My greatest reservation to marriage for myself is the fact I dread the idea of divorce. Others reading this, dealing with heart break if you split due to a mismatch on this side of marriage before it happens is far less painful than marrying someone that you discover is all wrong  … it even saves your life. Why be married to someone who is wrong for you? For when the time comes, dissatisfaction later on will set in when there comes the game-playing of hatred, withholding intimacy, using children as a weapon, messy money issues, and a lifetime tied to that person from then on even if you divorced, if even just for the memory of the experience.

Proceed with calculated caution and a mother load of prayer and WISE counsel. If that is not enough to read and digest, the Word of God is full of promises for us when we pray and lift our imperfect selves, broken marriages, scarred hearts, and even our joy-filled thanks to Him. But, if there is one caution I could give to someone who reads this … Men, WAIT on your EVE. Women WAIT on your ADAM. I don’t want to settle for good. I want to run toward great and I want the same for you. Take your time and pray for and against those things you desire in marriage and learn that you may need to surrender to God’s type of person He brings that is better than one could ever imagine. Ask anyone who has done it right. It’s well worth the wait.

Disclaimer: This blog is from the viewpoint of the author, and her opinion is not up for debate.

What Christian Women Want from their Men …

Chass and Jerry's hands bible

It’s been a mystery for years for the fellas to figure out what it is a woman really wants, the mystery behind her sudden silence, vibrant mood changes, or simply what it is that causes her to become quiet and distant without explanation.

Being a completely imperfect woman I can only speak from the perspective of what personally makes me tick as a woman, not to mention incorporating a host of explanations carried in from my married and single friends. The goal is only to present this from the point of view of a born again Christian who truly attempts to seek the heart of God, and one who strives to reach emotionally maturity. So many women never attempt singleness for long as they are quick to depend on a man to fulfill a need that only our perfect Lord God, our Father and Husbandman, is entitled to fill.

I, for one, love being single, have never been married on purpose having turned down more than one marriage opportunity, but am careful not to say “no” to the Lord for His plan if He should ask me to enter into a covenant bond in the future. Some would rather die than live life alone, but allow me to offer this caveat to those in a hurry enter a nuptial agreement; by not waiting, one is robbed of the time to pray for and against items in marriage that so many only wish they had prayed for before they were married. It’s so worth the wait for the right man or woman, as so many friends of mine have confirmed, who did not rush into marriage earlier in life, and there has never been a regretful word I’ve heard about insisting and waiting on God’s best pick of spouses. Still,  it’s never too late to work on issues as a couple even if you are already “in it”. This blog serves a purpose on both ends of marriage for knowledge for before and after the “I do”.

This message is a communication aid for what this particular lady would love to see a marriage accomplish, which is to compliment our walk with Christ, and, enhance perspective ministries as a couple. With conviction and proof, we can attest that respect and love are the key components for success in seeking to help each other reach our fullest potential inside the borders of marriage, without inflated expectations and the work expected to be done on equal footing. There is no way every man can attain to ever part of this list, but if even a quarter of these wishes were fulfilled with the same expectation of women to fulfill what she can do to please the Lord and her man, we might have a much lower divorce rate from expressing what is is we really want as well as need.

What a Christian woman of God prays for …

1.  Genuinely Seeking the Will of God and Let the Holy Spirit Guide You:

Witnessing a man studying His Bible, or writing down a prayer request of a waiter, passing the offering plate as an usher, teaching a Bible Study, writing a blog for Christian men, praying as a family, reading the Bible out loud with his children before bed, expressing the meaning of Christmas being about Christ and not about gifts and more “stuff”, persuading other men to honor their wives, and anything else to pursue the heart of God is HUGE with a woman. This list is not exhaustive and it certainly isn’t expected that all of this happens at once, but you get the idea … a man who genuinely fears the Lord is a giant in the eyes of woman who also follows the Lord. These actions have to be real and not a facade as eventually the head game will give you away if the heart is not pure.

2. Security:

Security means “I can trust you” … not to leave me if I develop breast cancer or Alzheimers, as I certainly plan to return the favor if something happens to you my man. It means you will not squander life savings on a secret gambling debt but are actually planning for our family and future of our children. It means we tithe and trust. It means you won’t mess around with other women, especially when I have invested my entire life into you. If you plan to cheat, TELL ME, divorce me, whatever, but don’t try and fool me. Women KNOW when things are not ok.

We want to be able to look the other way and know that our men are mature enough to exercise self control with their minds in any circumstance, avoid temptation, and would trust us enough to admit when struggling in an area so we can BOTH work on it …  This is a challenge for both sexes to do this necessary step with each other. It means you will nurture that loving feeling along with me long after the butterflies are gone and won’t flake at the first or second or third sign of adversity.

As for the area of money, if you are the bill payer and dough keeper, please keep me in the loop where everything is and put my name on items if anything should happen to you. More women are left with a financial disaster after a man leaves her widowed due to the fact she is not even aware where the check book is, and deals with nothing in order on a will. Look out for me and for our family and let’s keep each other educated and well planned for the “what ifs”. Insurance policies and items written on legal documents, keys to safety deposit boxes with easy access, all spell out “I care even after I’m gone.”

And by the way guys, most women do have a keen business sense that would serve very well as your accountability partner in decision making about money, issues in the work place, not to mention, we can actually run a business ourselves and create substantial income. This is not a threat to you, it is a necessary area we like to manage for emergency funds, shopping needs so we don’t have ask permission for every little dime spent of yours, and allows us to help out the entire household.

3. Humor:

Not silly ridiculous embarrassing humor – but intelligent humor, cute comments, a funny card, a hilarious email, or repeating something adorable our children have said … that makes a woman melt. I am a big sucker for humor … but not at the expense of my body or what is dear to me or someone else we love. If you make a woman laugh … she will be putty in your hands. Endorphins are a key factor here. This quite honestly is ranked second to importance to me as your healthy walk with God.

4. Communicate with Me:

Tell me about your day after you unwind. I don’t have to know how many copies you made on the copier, I just want to know if you are feeling fulfilled with your job, ideas or plans for our business we have built together, and value my input as important as your own. I am your team mate and your biggest cheer leader so give me something to cheer about and do know that the Lord gives women discernment about things men simply don’t have, just like you guys are gifted in ways we women are not gifted in. Don’t Lie To Me – just be honest. When you talk to me and stimulate my MIND … I am all YOURS. Get it?

5. Don’t Compare Me To Other Women and Don’t Correct Me In Front Of Others Unless It Is Life Threatening:

I may or may not have the best body in the group but tell me I am the hottest thing you have ever seen, but not overkill. I know when you are not being honest. Tell me I am beautiful, cooked a fabulous dinner, handled the children correctly, look like I have lost weight, and please don’t ask me to dye or grow out my hair and do a style like another woman you have seen. You married ME, not HER. If you drool over another woman that will not drive me to do better for myself, it will drive me away from YOU. And if you compare me to your mother or sister, expect me to clam up or explode. Just don’t go there! If you wanted mama, you should have married her and don’t tell me I am just like my own mama unless it’s a compliment.

When you correct me on something that is wrong, exercise class and do this in a tender way in private, but please if you are perfectionist, this won’t fly however small or great you think the error is as the fault lies in your inability to be happy with anyone’s best and your list of expectations might be contrary to everything the Word of God says it should be. That’s just called being a jerk with inflated unreasonable expectations.

6. Defend Me: 

Remember when Eve was seduced by the Devil in the garden? Scripture makes it clear she was not in fact alone when she took the fruit and ate it, but that Adam was very close to her during the most critical temptation to sin in all of history …. I am not blaming Adam, however since both of them had the same instruction from their Father to avoid the forbidden fruit, one might contemplate how the whole of mankind and the fall into sin may have been prevented had he come to Eve’s defense and spoken the truth on the spot with less compromise of entertaining a chat with the enemy of their souls. Just say “no” would have been a great motto for that moment  … Genesis 3:6, “When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.”

On another note, besides someone that may try and harass your lady into sin, what about defending her with someone in the family or your children that are rude to her, or anyone for that matter.  Defend your beloved without losing your temper. Nothing is more degrading than a man that will let his wife be disrespected and will do NOTHING to defend her. This also includes defending our children which are extensions of our very being entrusted to us for rearing in the Word. 

7. Be Tender With Me:

Women LOVE tenderness from a strong man and a soft touch that stops at the point of you men wanting more. Touch my hair, brush my cheek with yours, call me during the day to say “hey baby” and remind me that I am a precious part of your heart. That means also being tender with our children and not yelling at them or being impatient. A great daddy is a big hero to a momma. I don’t care if it’s your spiritual gift or not, or my spiritual gift or not, mercy and kindness are highly appreciated and necessary every single day for us both.

Also the hidden issues of a temperament that could be a problem later need to be discussed early on. I once dated a man that I only found out all to late had a hidden violent temper. It started with a tiny jealous streak he thought he could control, but after awhile, the real Dr. Jeckyll Mr. Hide came out and I was crushed in my heart in the process to learn that I would never be able to truly trust the man. He KNEW he had a temper and never told me the truth before things got out of hand, plus had covered a long history of volatile behavior against woman and authority in general that cost him dearly in the long run. Little did I know he was hiding a dangerous violent side. Don’t you know after that experience, the antenna went up to such a sensitive high level that I can spot a “mean spirit” a hundred miles away. Ladies, DO NOT settle for this and think you can change him. You can’t. Only the Holy Spirit of God can do that. 

For you men, if you have a temper and know it, be extremely honest with yourself, the Holy Spirit, and TELL your woman – get counsel before the marriage takes place, or even if you have married, get help. A temper is nothing to mess around with and getting to the heart of the matter could truly free you from a disaster later.  Tempers can be cured indeed but men unwilling to surrender their right to be angry, honestly, are not in the best shape to marry to begin with – you have to give God the grip on that stronghold. 

8. Be Patient When I Am Hormonal:

Yes, hormones are horrible pests for women at times. Truly there are times we have mood swings that drive us crazy, make us weepy or slap happy, and can alter our entire day beyond our control. If it seems extreme, talk to me carefully and possibly we can get help together on it. Don’t marry a woman who makes you walk around on eggshells cuz hormones will only make it worse … if you tell me your concerns when I am NOT in a hormonal mode, it will fly much better.

9. Say Sorry and Mean It:

When you are wrong say it and get rid of pride, the killer of all peaceful endings, and forgive me when I am wrong too. The greatest love you can show is to forgive especially when that person least deserves it. Grace and mercy go a long way even if it means I accidentally backed the Bentley into the garage door. It’s a CAR not a human, so keep “stuff” less important than human issues. We also need to agree not to hold history over each other’s heads. If we forgive it means don’t bring it up again … if there is a pattern of behavior, that is a different issue, but just to hold something old as new does no one any way but harmful.

10. Take Care Of Your Body:

We want you around awhile. Please don’t hasten the end of your days with poor unhealthy habits. Women out live men the majority of the time and that is so hard to have to face anyway, but to know you won’t take care of your heart, blood pressure, eating habits, waist line, and so on, tells me the message “I don’t care enough to try and I am selfish”.

11. Let ME Define What a Sexy Man is – It’s Not What You Think

a) Helping around the house – a well known pastor’s wife I know mentioned once that when her hubby took out the garbage … she found it sexy. Come on is that easy to do or what? Carry the groceries in, vacuum on occasion,  and we really do love it when you guys put your laundry IN the hamper and not on the floor, which are the smallest of ways that proves thoughtfulness. In fact if you do a load once in awhile, you might just add 1000 points to the love bank just for that seemingly minor action. P.S. don’t mix whites and colors ok? 

b) Playfulness and sharing – take me to the ball game of my choice, let’s go fishing and you handle the worm while I hook the fish, hold my hand on a walk in the park, shop with me for shoes and don’t bark at me for the price tag, share a bite off your plate once in awhile when we are out … you get the idea. 

c) Muscles … we like those … but even a brilliant well thought out quote can exercise the brain muscle and that can be a turn on too. 

d) Open my car door – my dad’s wife sat in the car in the garage for almost 30 minutes one time because he hopped out when they got home and forgot to open her car door. He found her later after a search, still sitting in the care awaiting the polite move she had grown accustomed to, and let me tell you, he hasn’t forgotten since. And you ladies who get offended when a man opens a door for you, NEED to get over it, because the rest of us LOVE it when a man shows respect. It’s respectful, not degrading, to do these things for us. 

e) Dress cool … just do it … it can be comfy but a well dressed guy either in a tailored suit, clean shaven or trimmed beard, or a faded pair of jeans with the right shoes, will absolutely make a chick purrrrrrr. I promise … the clothes do indeed make the man. In turn we will not embrace the frump factor and do only sweats and no make up when you are not around. The rest of the time, I want you to love the way I look. 

12. The Most Important … Make Me #2 Behind God:

I am not equal with our kids, your children from a previous woman, and am not going to compete with your mother or stubborn behavior over anyone else. The institution of marriage on earth is second to our marriage to Christ. That means you honor our relationship first, and then allow others in as a natural part of the levels of importance to follow  …

My hope is that this does not intimidate men, but rather, encourage them, as well as enlighten women as to what would be the viewpoint of another woman who has gathered much in the way of listening to what women “really want” and find that we are not so different from one another. The bond between a man and woman will grow deeply and more secure if we are sincere to choose the right spouse to begin with, in prayer, and honor that commitment until death do us part. 

Can We Be Accused of Being A Conservative Idiot?

The church needs to keep a strong backbone and not cave one by one in the face of so many loud activists who flaunt sin in the face of God, even those that are labeled as Christians that are caving in to the pressure to redefine God’s Word and boundaries and WHO God is, what marriage is, what sin is or isn’t. Will the church and individual suffer for this? OF COURSE, the world will always shoot the messenger – we will be labeled as “outdated” or “conservative idiots” … but better to take the lashing persecution and stand before the Lord one day victorious with the reward of HIS approval and massive eternal rewards, than to have to explain ourselves eye to eye with Him as being the masters of the casper milk toast society when it comes to taking a stand on what is RIGHT and what is WRONG. Don’t cave believers and allow oneself to be brainwashed … it’s going to get very rough … but that’s our role to STAND on TRUTH and when we have stood for what it right, stand some more. (Ephesians 6:13, “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand firm.”)

“Gay Marriage Rights In America” by Deborah Ross

Author and speaker Deborah Ross of Deborah Ross Ministries … addresses this very sensitive issue …
OK… so I am a little slow.  I kept seeing all of these signs on Facebook and had no clue of what they all meant.  So I made a post and asked, “What does the red block with the two pink rectangles in the center mean? I’ve seen it twice today.”

The first reply said, “It’s an equal sign meaning equality rights.”  So again in my naivety I asked, “What kind of equal rights?”  The next response was, “Gay Marriage.”  Then, I noticed all types of comments ranging from those trying to help me understand the sign, to those offering the alternative sign of the cross and of the anti-gay marriage symbol.

Then, I flipped to a friend’s page where there was a heavy (really nasty) debate about what the Bible says about the gay lifestyle.  Some were claiming to be graduates of seminary who didn’t see anything wrong with gay marriage; others were pastors using force and unpleasant wording claiming that God hates this lifestyle and that America better look out!

Sadly, both “ministers of the gospel” were missing the message of Christ altogether.  The word of God has been, and always will be, the standard for every civilization on earth.  Since there is only one true God who created heaven and earth, He is the author and judge of what is right and wrong among His creation.

So, as I am reading through this Facebook thread on my friends page, I notice a post made to my page from a childhood friend that includes an article based on “Judge not that ye be not judged.” – Matthew 7:1.  So I read it!

Having said this, I did agree with the writings of that author to a certain extent.  He makes a very good point about how Christians so often miss the mark in balancing their proclamation of faith. His article was long and detailed with scripture to prove his point about how we are to love all people.  On this point, I fully agree.  The problem with his article is that it pointed to loving the gay lifestyle.

The truth is that God does love everyone!  He loves them so much that He wants them to repent of their sin, humble themselves and be born-again!  His grace covers us as we bow down and accept His righteousness in “exchange” for our sin.  Jesus died on the cross so that all could be saved.  This doesn’t mean that all will believe, nor does it mean that all will repent of their sin(s). Surely, the gospel “is” good news! The Lord loves humanity so much that He doesn’t want anyone to suffer theconsequences nor the destruction of sin.  Sin leaves a guilty stain in the soul of mankind that can only by erased by the blood of Jesus.  This blood can only be applied through repentance.

There are so many Christians who are afraid to speak the truth on this issue… in love! Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” While many may try to twist the word of God to make it fit into their belief system, God knows their motive. He knows their deepest, hidden sin. His word is either a cornerstone or a stumbling block. My prayer is that “I” will grow to accept more and more of His word, His ways, His absolutes, His righteousness, His peace, and His grace each day that I live. What a waste for anyone to argue that God’s word doesn’t mean what it says. He wants all saved! He wants all to come to repentance! He wants all set free from the bondage of sin! Anyone who tries to hang onto their sin, while claiming the love of God, has missed the mark. It’s not about rules. It’s about a life that is FREE INDEED. If we say we love God, we should also love what He loves… and hate what He hates. God hates sin because sin hurts people!

So often, Christians either avoid controversial topics altogether, or they blurt out the facts without filtering them through the heart of God.  So getting back to the favorite verse that is used by those who want to keep their sin and claim God too… “Judge not lest you be judged” from Matthew 7.  Verse 5 tells us that we should first get the beam (or sin) out of our own eye before we attempt to cast the mote (or splinter – lesser sin) out of someone else’s eye.  So Jesus wasn’t telling Christians not to judge right from wrong, He was simply saying we should clean our own act up before we try to help someone else get cleaned up.

1 Corinthians 6:2
2Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?
1 Corinthians 11:31-32
31For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.

32But when we are judged, we are chastened of the Lord, that we should not be condemned with the world.
You see my friend, everything in the Lord’s Kingdom needs to be handled with compassion, balance, love, power, authority, and yet with humility – all at the same time.  As Christians, we are simply saying… “I once was lost (like you), but now I am found!”  We are crying out to those living in darkness that the Lord has a peaceful, promised land of milk and honey (in this life – and in the life to come) for all of those who will lay down their pride, lay down their troubles, lay down their lusts, lay down their excuses… and run to Jesus.
So, yes, Jesus died for all… the homosexual, the heterosexual, the Jew, the gentile, the Muslim, the Hindu, the black, the white, the Asian, the alcoholic, the drug addict, the murderer, the lazy, the workaholic, the poor, the rich…  And yes, His grace issufficient to cover all sin.  His grace makes the vilest sinner white as snow.  He died for ALL.  But, my friend, His grace covers us when we humble ourselves and seek to know the truth, instead of seeking to make God’s word fit into our truth.  That is when the miracle of salvation is obtainable!
As far as God’s judgment is concerned, Jesus came to make a way for us to escapeGod’s righteous judgment.  He did not come to do away with God’s righteous judgment.  There will come a day in which every knee shall bow, and every tongue will confess that Jesus is not just Savior – but Lord!  Unfortunately, many who will be confessing His Lordship on that day will be doing so with great regret, because they held their own truth higher than God’s righteous truth – while on earth.
As far as Christians not wanting to grant gay marriage as part of our constitutional rights, this is not because Christians are being narrow minded and unloving.  No, true Christians have a holy fear of God.  They understand that He is in control of nations.  They understand that God will judge a nation who turns their back on Him.  So, if you are gay and you are reading this, please know that the conflict is not with you as a person; it is with the standard that God has set for all people.  The United States of America is the most blessed nation on the earth because our country was built on Christian values.  When we, as a society, take God out of our government, out of our schools and out of our lives, His hand is lifted and we are left to defend ourselves against the devil, his horde of demons and the enemies of our nation- alone!
So, my friend, please know that the over-all Christian concern (allthough not always voiced with humility) is not about your rights, the Christian concern is about your future; and in fact, the future of all American citizens… whether guilty or innocent.  When His judgment falls, the just and the unjust are caught in the storm.
My final word is this, Go loves you!  He wants you saved!  He wants you free from the bondage of sin!  He wants you to live a long, healthy life on this earth!  He wants you to live in eternity with Him forever and forever!-Deborah Ross
www.DeborahRossMinistries.org

If you are gay and you are reading this article, please consider researching the following website for more on how to find this perfect peace and freedom in Christ Jesus.http://www.sbministries.org/members/sbm

Whether you are gay or straight… If you are not 100% sure that you are a born-again child of God, please click the link below to learn more about how YOU can know this God I speak about.

http://www.deborahrossministries.com/pages.asp?pageid=109507