Why do we hate ourselves and is there any hope to help us like or even love ourselves?
Ladies and gents, stop putting yourselves down in front of the mirror, under your breath or out loud – whether alone, or, especially in front of your children – because they are 50% of you. You have influence over anyone else within your sphere of influence and this is a highly toxic way of thinking and living.
What kind of a message does it give to others when we do this because nothing will ever seem acceptable as everyone is so down on what God has made? Catch yourself when you say the words, “I hate myself, my bulges – wrinkles – nose, my hair looks awful, I am not as pretty as she is, her body is so much better than mine, my body as a man or my ability to provide or my masculinity is never enough.”
Most especially discipline yourself not to insult your intelligence and character with, “I’m such a loser, a failure, I never can get anywhere, haven’t accomplished anything, no wonder he left, who would want me, I blew it again you idiot, I could never be a good enough parent, my ideas will flop, my business will fail, there is no way to kick this habit, I’m doomed, it’s over, and never should have been born.”
… and on and on.
So I am sending out an edict from the KING to all the ladies and gentlemen of the land, with a royal signet ring seal and an order that reads >>>>
“STOP THAT. I, the Lord God, took time to think you through and put you together in My mind before the foundations of the earth and formed you in your mama’s belly. You are insulting My work with your thoughts and words and deeds. Your value and you’re worth does not lie in what you think of yourself or anyone else. It lies in what I say about you. I said to love others as you love yourself, so how can we be of any good to others if we can’t get the basic fact down that you are lovely and stunning in MY eyes? I hereby order you to LOVE what I made YOU to be for MY glory and no one else’s. Speak my truths and not that of the enemy. That’s an order. You are loved and adored every single day.”
I have been learning through a fabulous study with Dr. Henry Wright of the Be In Health Ministry in Thomaston, Ga. (www.beinhealth.com), that every time we self-deprecate, we are agreeing with an Anti-Christ spirit … oh yes we are … because Christ does not say these things about us! HELLO, so why are WE assuming we are qualified to say them?
Furthermore, that voice you hear may not be YOURS, but that of the enemy … it’s in agreement with an Anti-Christ mentality. It makes our negative view “a god and an idol” who rules our brain and then we make less than honorable decisions because our idea of what is worthy is skewed. Those decisions can grossly effect our lives and can escalate into serious illnesses in the body that are deemed “incurable” (nothing is incurable), cause us to hate and not forgive and put way too much emphasis on another imperfect struggling person to fulfill a need only God can fill.
We become numb and enable and soothe our numbness with food, medicate with alcohol, drugs, and meds, ignore the pleas of those around us that say they wish we could see ourselves from their perspective, race hard to find a way to defy aging, compete to win with others and not as a good sport, exercise to no avail, overcompensate with our jobs and income, overspend, and pressure and push a round peg into a square hole to the damage of everything around us. Simply because we are spinning out of balance inside of our beings and don’t know how to stop, we keep spinning around like a rat on a wheel.
Try this first, as it will change your life and watch how things turn around by substituting those words with, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am valued, the Lord has a big plan for my life, He took the time to create me and give me gifts, talents, and a skill set, no matter what my deformities, shortcomings, or sinful failures past present and even future might present as a deterrent.”
Secondly, pray about it as you say these words even if you are stuck in sin daily with an overwhelming stronghold. Talk to HIM anyway and He will deliver – He always does.
Thirdly, consider that your health could be a consequence of generational sin, your self attack, and issues of the past and present that are working against you total being rather than providing a way to help you thrive.
Fourthly, and I LOVE this one … Something a counselor has been helping me with has been radically effective in helping me soar above the trenches of despair and ruination. She told me to record my emotions for a few days or weeks every hour on the hour and acknowledge what I am feeling, and then …. do NOT judge them good or bad. They are emotions, feel them, acknowledge and accept them, lean into them and don’t stuff them. Shame is a big one I have wrestled with over anything small and insignificant all the way to the bigger emotions in life. I had NO idea I was on such a roller coaster ride every day until I recorded it, figured out what the emotions were tethered to, and then understood that it is not a shameful thing to do a basic thing God gave us … to feel. It’s ok to feel disappointment, fierce anger, wrath, pain, sorrow, joy, intimidation, attraction to and from things, and a repulsion to others and not have to skewer them as a means of killing them like they are little bad people and then hiding the bodies.
Yes, we are to be careful what we DO with what we feel, but the auto-pilot actions we take to numb feelings are far more threatening than to actually arrest the moment when we are hurt or praised or whatever, and accept it good or bad, and then go on in the next moment … without ANY shame or guilt. Pretty soon the numbing agents listed above will lose their power as we begin to crave less and less the things we think are helping us hobble along. The Lord meant for us to run valiantly in overcoming and not just muddle through like an invalid to be transformed by the renewing of our minds as the book of Romans, chapter 12:1-2, reminds us in the Word of God.
Worthiness does not lie in whether a marriage or any other relationship failed or not, whether or not you stepped out in an affair or almost did, that you gained all that weight back and the scale is screaming that hideous number, what your parents or a bully said when you were younger or still say to you now, or the way a boss treats you, what a stupid magazine says you should be like, or what your spouse says. It does not lie in the fact you were sexually molested or raped, or that you were overlooked on the ball team for a position, what the size of your britches are, the fact you skipped the prom because you were not invited, or the numbers of zeroes on your income or your scale, or even how YOU treat you.
Exercise some compassion and kindness on your life and soul and watch how chasing out negative self talk will lift your life out of the pits of self-destruction. It will take awhile to redo and rethink. To reposition your ammo as a warrior over darkness rather than one who is “managing” their issues which only serves to set one back five steps for every single one they take forward toward victory.
Slow down, think, acknowledge, be reasonable with yourself, learn to say “no”, put up proper healthy boundary lines, divorce old voices, embrace your unique self HE made you to be – and yes, that can take time and it’s not easy to undo the damage the old voices did. The Lord SAID He had a plan for our lives, and we need to believe Him and rise above the mess that is pulling us down, although He uses those things and weaves those into the plan.
Note: I HIGHLY recommend counseling for anything you are dealing with and do your marriage, your heart, your singleness, your children, your business, and relationships a massive favor and study through the Be In Health material. You will find a depth of teaching like nothing you have ever seen before on healing from the inside out.