To Married Men Who Cheat

This is from the perspective of a woman, a note to men, to married men, men who profess to be Christians, men who may or may not be believers in the Son of the Living God, men who are separated and not yet divorced from their spouses, men who are ministers or well-regarded in ministry to some level, men who are deeply in pain, men who may have dead marriages who have been pulverized and hurt by their wives for whatever reason. It’s written to any man who has opted to step outside of their marriage and pursue another woman. The married man who cheats …

Hypothetically, the woman you could be pursuing, could be me, and it might surprise a man how a lady like me truly feels about your passes. I’m not talking as a woman with a Jezebel spirit, I’m implying the woman who you are pursuing who is one that is pursuing the Lord with all of her heart, busy about ministry, tending to God’s work, single or married, that woman that looks enticing, exciting, playful, positive, tender-hearted, sensitive, and looks to be the ideal person that you have been missing out on in your wife. After all you had high hopes for your marriage, both of you did, and now that things have settled into everyday life, predictable or miserable, dry and dull, or past the point of no return, you are lonely, feel that it’s your right to be loved, or maybe, time that you see who else may accept your desire to love and for companionship.

But hold on a minute, let’s take a look past the first pass you might make into the reality of the situation. Most of the time, I don’t think married men consider the long-term issues that evolve out of affairs or even the foiled attempts to have an affair, especially amongst the body of believers. Even if it worked out for their best friend some where in history for a second, third, or even fourth attempt to “get it right”, does it make it right for YOU to do the same thing?

The woman you pursue could be strong, or she could be fragile, and unless she is someone with no conscience, just like your wife, she too is breakable. Usually the case is that they grow close to someone in an effort to fulfill missing intimacy with their wives only later on to see it escalate to a blinding state of lust, using the coping mechanism of indulging into the life of another woman as the way to fix their own emptiness. Along the way though, they never truly consider the damage of what being unfaithful can mean to their sphere of influence and beyond, or may no longer care even care about,  their business or ministry reputation. Since things have grown stale in their marriage,  or maybe due to outrageous volatile arguing and mud slinging, they won’t consider that their actions will continue to worsen the situation causing pain in their wife’s and children’s hearts, the heartache of friends and other family, fellow church members, those that look up to and esteem them, a church body that can be completely divided over their infidelity, or the significant risk of  financial ruin, venereal “gifts” that never go away, and  so much more that comes with the package of deception.  And never mind the unbeliever or weak in faith who is watching, thirsty to see if anyone truly lives an authentic Christian life – how about what they perceive in the body of Christ to be true and dependable?

It may appear exciting and quietly scandalous at first with the secrecy of something off-limits, but when reality sets in over the course of the pursuit,  that excitement can turn to bitterness and total frustration. Emotional dependency can transpire, and then someone ends up highly disappointed due to the dream of “some day” never really presenting itself in a truly happy other relationship.

Personally, being not he receiving end of advances from men before in my history, I have found it completely and utterly insulting to be thought of as a side note or distraction for a married man, no matter his circumstances. A woman, who wants to live a life pleasing to the Lord, could possibly feel they are not worthy or ever will be viewed as worthy, in the eyes of any man, of being honored and cherished as the opposite gender, inside or outside of marriage. And if you cheat with me, you will cheat on me. In general, it taints and erodes away at the respect women have for men, and it’s never an ego boost for a woman following God to encounter being the target catch for a married spouse, but rather yet, another disappointment in men.

It’s infuriating and devalues the prospect of what love is INSIDE of marriage when this happens, and since I have never been married for many of the reasons I have seen that have caused divorce within the sixteen dissolved marriages in my immediate family, it drives a long nail into the coffin of desire to ever even want to enter into a possible mindset of meeting someone. Paul said it best to the Corinthians that in marriage, there will be “trouble” and that he was trying to “spare them” from that pain and derailment to their walk with God. Part of the subliminal foot note I feel he might have added was that this is due to two people who are entering into marriage with the wrong intention, are broken and don’t know it, place the other person in the marriage responsible for all of their dreams to come true. The expectation levels we put on each other are far from the ability any human being could ever endeavor to meet.

To a single woman who is seeking Christ, when a man presents his “worst self” at his lowest point as a married man, especially in the throws of ministry, it puts her into a very difficult spot if you are a person she has trusted for some time. Furthermore, no matter how you try to explain it, it then  brands her with the potential label of “home-wrecker” even if she hasn’t done a thing, but exist on the radar of the cheating man. Yes, a wife may decide to turn her blinders on with her husband and assume that it must have been that tart that seduced her husband and not his own willful decision and their issues that created such a set up. There are women out there like that, the marriage wrecker, but this is not about that type, this is about the woman that wouldn’t dream of helping you crash and burn into sin.

But listen wives, you as well can play party to the problem of a cheating husband. Maybe you have been totally pure and worked as hard as you can on your relationship, blindsided by that gut wrenching reveal that the man you loved was not the man you thought you loved. But what if maybe you helped set up this disadvantage for what is now a reality – did you happen to ignore the signs of what was coming?  Did that bitterness and the put downs, the male slamming and bickering happen to lead to a place over the years that this husband just got tired of the stress and felt driven away? Do you refuse counseling? Did you know better than to marry that guy that possibly was unfaithful before you said those nuptials thinking you could change him? Did you marry just to marry or escape another situation only to realize you two were not a life long match? Did you stop being a friend to him, and dismiss intimacy, and became the mother rather than the wife in the marriage? How about putting a leash on your spouse, did you think pulling him in tighter to your control was the answer?

“Perfect love casts out all fear” as the Word says, but that perfect love needs to be established carefully, with mutual agreement, done over time, and with open and honest transparency. Even if one person is working it harder than the other, at least they know they can put their head on their pillow at night knowing they are doing all things possible to make things work. But if all things are operating out of fear, it can truly be a sinking sand situation for the marriage to try and withstand.

Men are visual, they like to be nurtured, we all like to be nurtured – yes, men, we women need that as much as you do, and when we can’t deepen the communication and be respectful in our quest to get things out on the table for healing and counsel, we heighten the danger for either one in the marriage to seek solace elsewhere. We also need to take a look around at generational attitudes/curses/sins passed down to the next group growing up behind us, dealing with men and women in a committed situation. Are we sure we are not feeding the fire of generational infidelity by ignoring God’s principles – “love one another” – “do all things heartily as unto the Lord” – not unto the tradition of making men the target of ridicule, and ignore the entire message of I Cor. 13 about L-O-V-E. Are we flirting with danger thinking we can stop at any time? Women are you keeping yourself attractive for your guy? We may not think he notices, but YES, he does. Oh and guys, please don’t fall into that sexist trap that it’s ok for you to have a belly falling over your belt with softened biceps, while expecting your wife to live off of rabbit food and flaunt her rock hard abs for your viewing pleasure. That stuff can get old really quick!

Men, do you put down your wives in the company of friends to fit in with their attitude? Does she feel valued, adored, needed, and protected? Have you set her up to feel bitter against you? And that thing we think is “harmless” with flirting, is absolutely untrue. For the small violation of trust with flirting, means a larger violation of trust is imminent. Flirting can turn into an all out affair and it is painfully disrespectful to your spouse and caring God seeking friends – won’t set each other up for a fall into sin – so making someone that is a friend an object of your flirtation can be a very dangerous risk on your part.  One of the things we subliminally wish for in seduction is that even though the girl you are chasing may love the Lord and want total commitment to Him, we want her to respond. She is human, and can fall, so when a man who knows better, looks for insecurities, plays on emotions, trying to slowly diminish the boundary lines of what was once – taboo, and justifies his actions due to his miserable emptiness in his marriage, it creates a total breach of safety for all, and Satan sees that nothing and no one is off limits.

The good news is, the Lord has equipped us fully and completely with the ability to be filled with His knowledge by His word, flee immorality, clean up our mind, cling to His Word, and learn from other’s mistakes or our own. One has to be on guard, instant in season and out, and it’s the toughest lesson to learn that the enemy of our souls plants his wiles among the pews and in ministries even outside the church walls, in businesses, and anywhere that people have to interact and where the Holy Spirit dwells. Target practice is common place especially if believers are not on guard. And honestly, I would rather see a cordial end to a marriage that is simply out of fuel, both parties completely spent and done, LONG before one tries out another new relationship, and only then, after a time of counseling and reflection. We don’t want a repeat of what just happened.

My goal is not to shame and berate, but simply to plant a checklist in the mind for future reference, if you will, that will give you guys something incredibly profound to consider before deciding to open the door to share intimacy with another woman to fill your void, instead of the Lord doing the healing in your marriage.  Hitting on a single or married woman, who is entrusting you as a friend, a minister, a best friend’s husband, is wickedly demeaning to women in general, and puts her into a place that is painfully awkward and uncomfortable.  What is she supposed to do if she turns you down and you keep insisting? Are you willing for her to expose your intentions? What do you expect from someone who might eventually cave in and then you find yourself being pursued in return by someone you never meant to go “that far with” emotionally? Why would you foster intimacy with someone who can’t have you? How cruel. And why would you continue to put another women into a place that skews her entire perception of how solid and strong a man can be in Christ when he does things RIGHT?

Marriage is a beautiful sacred gift from the Lord, one I fully respect and even protect by not wanting to advocate as a deterrent to a man’s purity. In and of itself, marriage is a ministry that requires total devotion and care and we have to be willing to go the distance by understanding that if we don’t put the Lord first, we set ourselves up for a sad ending. There can be incredible joy shared between a husband and wife, but how about when we self sabotage that opportunity? Even if a divorce is imminent, you will rarely be trusted fully again in a new relationship due to the obvious. Furthermore, to try to pull another woman, an unwilling one into this is pretty dark and sad.

Let’s also bring up the area of internet pornography and chat rooms as a “safer” means of cheating – after all you are only entertaining the mind and won’t even lay a hand on her – right? But stop for a second and consider these facts;  I recently learned more of the sex trade from those involved in the mission of rescue, that often times these men and women on the other side of the camera are trapped in slavery, and forced to work up to twelve hours a day performing for the camera to make a living. They are scarred, beaten, treated brutally, sore, and tired from putting on an internet show for someone. Even if your eyes and mind entertain the untouchable physically, it definitely pierces the soul regardless and violates the vows for trust. The Scripture verse Hebrew 13:4 that says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous,” bears some pretty heavy weight with it and seems rather terrifying to someone who knows that unless they repent of this, get the help they need, and fall headlong into the Lord’s ability to heal, there is a sobering expectation in the long run. It’s even worse, when one does know that truth and still chooses to defy God’s warning.

But let’s look at the fact that there is hope, if two shall agree to get the help they need to safeguard against adultery, or the repeat of adultery. Infidelity, sin, for whatever reason, in whatever form, will never produce the righteousness of God. In the mean time, let’s do our best to remember that truth of the matter and work to overcome the desire to cause another one to stumble along with us. To finish off my ending note, what can we do to prevent a disaster and unwanted outcome in marriage, and when do men need to know that professional Godly counsel is in order to prevent further damage?


  1. For men and for women – do I need to get counseling in my marriage even if I am doing it alone? Do I have a sexual addiction? (There are volumes of places to help.)
  2. Do I spend time flirting with the opposite sex calling it harmless, and even convincing myself that this flattery is making them feel worthy and needed?
  3. Do I have a history of infidelity and should I avoid certain types of women that may trigger a desire to step out on my marriage? Should I really be on social media, or stay in the same realm of work on that floor of the church, with “her”?
  4. Am I calloused to my spouses needs and have I become less and less convicted about the idea of cheating?
  5. Am I spending time in God’s Word daily and pursuing the heart the of the Lord to prevent issues even in thought, that could lead to infidelity.
  6. Is my marriage truly over? Have I really tried everything to make it work, and have I been totally transparent with my spouse that temptation sits at the door if we don’t work on things together?
  7. Did I see some warning flags with my spouse before I married them? Could I have prevented heartache ahead of time? Was she cheating with you and now she is cheating on you? Were you the one cheating and thinking the next marriage would fix whatever it was that was broken?
  8. Am I lying to myself that flirting with anyone, is harmless? ) All marital infidelity begins with flirting.)
  9. Do I really want to hurt someone I say I care for? My wife, the ministry, my children, the church body, unbelievers who are looking for hope, and the other woman or women I encounter?
  10. Are there generational issues of infidelity in my family that I need to be freed from? Can I truly be the one that breaks the line of the curse? Of course you can!

I pray for blessings on you as you read this and take it to heart. There are so many blessings when we ourselves remain personally healthy and attach ourselves to the same. The Lord has a great plan for you, according to Jeremiah 29:11-13, and that would include freeing you from the stronghold of infidelity. God bless you as you endeavor to overcome.

Suggested reading: The Fantasy Fallacy – Shannon Ethridge


Under the Micropscope

Challenge: To take our eyes off of everyone else and put them squarely back on Jesus. To work on our own personal growth while not losing sight to care and pray for others. Can you imagine if we spent as much time introspectively on ourselves for improvement as opposed to self-righteously pointing at and blaming everyone else and be ultra concerned about seeking the heart of and pleasing Jesus Christ of Nazareth? When we get caught up in Christ – supernatural change takes place and we become aware of our own issues and more concerned about others and their growth in Christ as opposed to tearing them down. That requires praying for clear vision, evaluation and surrender to the Lord, then again – praying for the Lord to change those areas that have fallen short and to strengthen those areas that are on point – in our OWN lives. We evaluate under the microscope-interrogate-and berate those around us – our spouses, our kids, our parents, our bosses, our friends, our church leaders, our fellow church members, our co-workers, our politicians, expecting standards that are sometimes impossible to attain to while grossly overlooking glaring issues in ourselves, our behavior, our attitude and the consequences. Paul said, 1 Corinthians 9:27, “I treat my body hard and make it my slave so that I myself will not be disqualified after I have preached to others.”‪#‎TURNYOUREYESUPONJESUS‬

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BABY BOOMERS: This is for you!

“It’ll never last, it’s just a fad,” and with angst and dread I peered down the long hallway into the “new” mid-1980s computer lab in high school my sophomore year. All I could imagine were the long hours of having to sit and learn a new frustrating method of study on a big boxy apparatus called a “computer” with a flashing cursor on the screen, toting floppy disks, seated side by side with students picking up on how to use “it” faster than I ever would. And those Dot Matrix printers? Oh my – those seemed to promise endless miles of perforated-edged paper rolling out onto the floor to become the backdrop of complicated term papers that would sit in a box never to be read again. Thanks, but no thanks, I would rather stick with my pencil and paper notebook.

Yes, I was certain that reality-vs.-the gossip over the forthcoming “internet” seemed as far fetched as a 2099 sci-fi movie scene thinking all of this was way too much to embrace for change. I rather feared the unfamiliar.

Fast forward 30 years, sitting on the edge of 2016, and without a doubt looking back, I am tickled to admit I was wrong about everything promised to offer! As I type away on my MacBook Pro at the moment, glancing at the messages that pop up on my instant message feature while responses are rolling in from many inquiries I have sent out for business, I smile on the memories of the dinosaur computers that started this entire trend so long ago. This once resistant-to-change girl would be one who would flip over all the techi-gadgets she could handle and spend endless hours on the information super highway, and, even find a voice teaching others, namely the baby boomers, “how to” in order to ease their angst over some new daunting feature as I once did.

I discuss and tutor with the boomers who have seen an eyeful of success on line, and yet are trying to figure out how they can take an idea and bring it to life using the tools available for aid as a launching pad, or take a well run business and kick it up a notch, but not get lost in the newest ever changing method for technical advertising.

There is a thriving lucrative communication avenue through time spent wisely on all that is offered at our finger tips, and the newest areas of “socializing” on a computer via social media sites can promise a broad new spectrum in an instant for exposure for business, branding, ministry and more. Once a person chooses to try something new, they can learn methods and trends to reach a much broader audience to with a message, product, or service. Promising and simple, it can happen, and education and a guide through the process is vital.

Let me encourage any reader taking in my story, I had to learn through many hours spent on schooling from those much younger and quicker than I, but soon discovered that once I landed a considerable sized yearly account and even more so the spiritual and emotional benefits to the ministry of a social media presence, the rewards of the result far surpassed the hassle of learning something new. Now it’s an encouragement and exciting place to be, teaching, as a bonafide nerd!

More importantly, I feel it is vital not to slip through the cracks due to the ever evolving computer gadget craze to stay in touch with our younger generation. We, as parents and grandparents, are at a critical place where we need to provide protection by staying in the loop of what our children are into. In the weeks ahead as you face the New Year with high expectations and goals for business, health, and more, add to your list our upcoming webinars and e-book introductions to Social Media 101 Courses as well as information blurbs on the latest for those that have started that want to move into a higher level of exposure on their existing platforms. Visit that has every thing you need to learn more! Our goal is to teach you how to squeeze every benefit possible from what the on-line information highway has to offer.

See my television interview on this topic:

—ReAnn (Social Media Advisor and Business Consultant for MRC Consulting at Dinosaur.png

Hating Ourselves and How to Overcome It

Why do we hate ourselves and is there any hope to help us like or even love ourselves?

Ladies and gents, stop putting yourselves down in front of the mirror, under your breath or out loud – whether alone or especially in front of your children because they are 50% of you, or anyone else within your sphere of influence. This is a highly toxic way of thinking and living.

What kind of a message does it give to others when we do this because nothing will ever seem “acceptable” as everyone is so down on what God has made? Catch yourself when you say the words, “I hate myself, my bulges – wrinkles – nose, my hair looks awful, I am not as pretty as she is, her body is so much better than mine, my body as a man or my ability to provide or my masculinity is never enough.”

Most especially discipline yourself not to insult your intelligence and character with, “I’m such a loser, a failure, I never can get anywhere, haven’t accomplished anything, no wonder he left, who would want me, I blew it again you idiot, I could never be a good enough parent, my ideas will flop, my business will fail, there is no way to kick this habit, I’m doomed, it’s over, and never should have been born.”

… and on and on.

So I am sending out an edict from the KING to all the ladies and gentlemen of the land, with a royal signet ring seal and an order that reads >>>> “STOP THAT. I, the Lord God, took time to think you through and put you together in My mind before the foundations of the earth and formed you in your mama’s belly. You are insulting My work with your thoughts and words and deeds. Your value and you’re worth does not lie in what you think of yourself or anyone else. It lies in what I say about you. I said to love others as you love yourself, so how can we be of any good to others if we can’t get the basic fact down that you are lovely and stunning in MY eyes? I hereby order you to LOVE what I made YOU to be for MY glory and no one else’s. Speak my truths and not that of the enemy. That’s an order. You are loved and adored every single day.”

I have been learning through a fabulous study with Dr. Henry Wright of the Be In Health Ministry is Thomaston, Ga. (, that every time we self-deprecate, we are agreeing with an Anti-Christ spirit … oh yes we are … because Christ does not say these things about us! HELLO, so why are WE assuming we are qualified to say them?

Furthermore, that voice you hear … may not be YOURS, but that of the enemy … it’s in agreement with an Anti-Christ mentality. It makes our negative view “a god and an idol” who rules our brain and then we make less than honorable decisions because our idea of what is worthy is skewed. Those decisions can grossly effect our lives and can escalate into serious illnesses in the body that are deemed “incurable” (nothing is incurable), cause us to hate and not forgive and put way too much emphasis on another imperfect struggling person to fulfill a need only God can fill.

We become numb and enable and soothe our numbness with food, medicate with alcohol, drugs, and meds, ignore the pleas of those around us that say they wish we could see ourselves from their perspective, race hard to find a way to defy aging, compete to win with others and not as a good sport, exercise to no avail, overcompensate with our jobs and income, overspend, and pressure and push a round peg into a square hole to the damage of everything around it. Simply because we are spinning out of balance inside of our beings and don’t know how to stop it.

Try this first, as it will change your life and watch how things turn around. Substitute those words with, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am valued, the Lord has a big plan for my life, He took the time to create me and give me gifts, talents, and a skill set, no matter what my deformities, shortcomings, or sinful failures past present and even future might present as a detourant.”

Secondly, pray about it as you say it. Even if you are stuck in sin daily with an overwhelming stronghold, talk to HIM anyway. He will deliver – He always does.

Thirdly, consider that your health could be a consequence of generational sin, your self attack, and issues of the past and present that are working against your health rather than providing a way to help you thrive.

Fourthly and I LOVE this one … Something a counselor has been helping me with has been radically effective in helping me soar above the trenches of despair and ruination. She told me to record my emotions for a few days or weeks every hour on the hour and acknowledge what I am feeling, and then …. do NOT judge them good or bad. They are emotions, feel them, acknowledge and accept them, lean into them and don’t stuff them. Shame is a big one I have wrestled with over anything small and insignificant all the way to the biggees I feel are unforgivable in my life. I had NO idea I was on such a roller coaster ride every day until I recorded it, figured out what the emotions were tethered to, and then understood that it is not a shameful thing to do a basic thing God gave us … to feel. It’s ok to feel disappointment, fierce anger, wrath, pain, sorrow, joy, intimidation, attracted and attractive, and not have to skewer them as a means of killing them like they are little bad people and then hiding the bodies. Yes, we are to be careful what we DO with what we feel, but the auto-pilot actions we take to numb feelings are far more threatening than to actually arrest the moment when we are hurt or praised or whatever, and accept it good or bad, and then go on in the next moment … without ANY shame or guilt.

Pretty soon the numbing agents listed above will lost their power as we begin to crave less and less the things we think are helping us hobble along. The Lord meant for us to run valiantly in overcoming and not just muddle through like an invalid.

Worthiness does not lie in whether a marriage or any other relationship failed or not, whether or not you stepped out in an affair or almost did, that you gained all that weight back and the scale is screaming that hideous number, what your parents or a bully said when you were younger or still say to you now, or the way a boss treats you, what a stupid magazine says you should be like, what your spouse says, it does not lie in the fact you were sexually molested or raped, or that you were overlooked on the ball team for a position, what the size of your britches are, or the numbers of zeroes on your income, or even how YOU treat you.

Exercise some compassion and kindness on your life and soul and watch how chasing out negative self talk will lift your life out of the pits of self destruction. It will take awhile to redo and rethink. To reposition your ammo as a warrior over darkness rather than one who is “managing” their issues which only serves to set one back five steps for every single one they take.

Slow down, think, acknowledge, be reasonable with yourself, learn to say “no”, put up proper boundary lines, divorce old voices, embrace your unique self HE made you to be, try “it” again 20 more times even if doesn’t work or learn to move on. The Lord SAID He had a plan for my life, and I believe Him but hating myself was only serving as a catalyst to push me deeper into Who He says I am and how forgivable He finds me.

Note: I HIGHLY recommend counseling for anything you are dealing with and do your marriage, your heart, your singleness, your children, your business, and relationships a massive favor and study through the Be In Health material. You will find a depth of teaching like nothing you have ever see before on healing from the inside out.




One of the greatest destabilizing forces we can create in any relationship is INCONSISTENCY.

Inconsistency says, “I don’t care as much as I say I do despite the declaration that I love/treasure/adore/care said person, my family, a friend, a group, a church, a business goal, or mission of any kind that I am supposedly committed to … Although I profess I am devoted to this or that and even put in the time and attention to prove that my intentions were such, I forfeit effective methods to keep things rock solid between us by not communicating regularly and with some predictability due to any little thing that comes along to derail my attention. It’s too hard to prioritize life, above lack of self restraint, immaturity, and loafing around with the lesser and most assuredly trivial. With my actions of neglect one minute, full engagement the next, and abandonment the very next day, I will leave you questioning my very character altogether that should put into regular practice sticking with the plan regardless of circumstances.

After all, in a scattered mind set, I have too many other obligations that I have involved myself in that could clearly have been prevented and only create more cluttered chaos to derail and swallow me whole. I would rather live diluted pursuing 101 things that nab my attention for 10 minutes than to whittle it down to a few things that matter and give all of myself to secure that trust that matters for a life time. You and what we have been working toward is simply not valuable enough for me to get my act together and grow up. I am to be a human BEING working in my realm of gifting that has no limits – opening up for more enriched depth with you by giving of my words and deeds out of a genuine heart, but instead pretend to be a super human DOER with an ADD riddled mind, which profits very little. Why invest my guts in to this anyway? It would be simple to exercise self discipline and think on how others are perceiving the message I am emitting from my actions vs my words or even lack of words. So, I will hobble along accomplishing a mole hill here and there leaving a trail of fragments of my good intentions, hurt feelings, and half commitments, that will be of little or no value, create a discredit of my memory and elusive presence, for anything or anyone in the long run, and most assuredly will sabotage my credibility as a person that cannot seem to fully engage in treasuring those around me flourishing where it really does count.”

Long quote, but the above thoughts should give us a quick insight how to tackle that mixed message we give others if we are indeed inconsistent:

  1. Prioritize projects already in the throws of commitment, and complete them fully before taking on something new. That means finish going through the mail stack, the laundry that is overflowing in that other room, and put human beings before tasks to start with such as your spouse and children and what they need you for and why. There is no amount of busy work that you will ever miss, but you will certainly miss precious time that flies by before your eyes if you don’t stop to care for family and friends that count.
  2. Communicate to those around you what your plans are, by a polite affirmative “no” so that they (especially those that don’t respect boundaries) are aware, “I don’t need anymore dirt on this already heaping pile.” Need I explain more here?
  3. Involve and delegate. I have found that one of the best moves I ever made in business was to stop doing my accounting. I HATE numbers and math makes my skin crawl, plus it leaves me depleted hunting for receipts, perusing bank accounts, and all that it requires. Once I turned this over and stopped believing I could save dough by doing it myself,  I found out the opposite. I got a huge refund and saved thousands of dollars using a qualified monthly tax organizer and could breathe a long sigh of relief it was done right.
  4. Take time to rest in between tasks and work during your optimal hours. I work far and away better in the morning hours and can’t believe the sense of accomplishment I feel when I put exercise and time with the Lord FIRST, and then tackle business and everything else next. Something about the stabilizing supernatural involvement of the Word of God is reflective of God’s mercies that are new every morning, and when I take care of the engine that carries me, my body, I feel like a million bucks!

Happy consistency and feel free to comment or ask questions as you wish!

Overcoming barriers to grieving after abortion and other painful loss

cradle my heart blog

Cradle My Heart Radio welcomes counselor Rita Schulte

Rita Schulte Rita Schulte

Unrecognized grief drives emotional and physical problems after we suffer the loss of a loved one. And the challenges to recognizing and releasing that grief are even greater if the loss includes abortion.

According to Focus on the Family, unfamiliar emotions while grieving go far beyond feeling sadness, and may include:

  • Feeling physically drained
  • Sleeplessness
  • Forgetfulness
  • Loss of appetite
  • Inappropriate risk-taking
  • Lethargy and over-indulgence
  • Becoming withdrawn and apathetic

Raising awareness of the source of these changes is the beginning of our hope for healing.

This week–practical help from professional counsler Rita Schulte for the spiritual and emotional challenges we face in overcoming unrecognized grief. Rita is the author of Shattered: Finding Hope and Healing through Losses of Life.


From Rita’s bio:

Rita Schulte is a licensed professional board certified counselor with a B.S. in psychology and a master’s…

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