What Women Want From Their Men …

It’s been a mystery for years for the fellas to figure out what it is a woman really wants, the mystery behind her sudden silence, vibrant mood changes, or simply what it is that causes her to become mysteriously distant without explanation.

Being a completely imperfect woman I can only speak from the perspective of what personally makes me tick as a woman, not to mention incorporating a host of explanations carried in from my married and single friends. The goal is only to present this from the point of view of a born again Christian who truly attempts to seek the heart of God, and one who strives to reach emotionally maturity. So many women never attempt singleness for long as they are quick to depend on a man to fulfill a need that only our perfect Lord God, our Father and Husbandman, is entitled to fill.

This message is a communication aid for what this particular lady would love to see a marriage accomplish, which is to compliment our walk with Christ and perspective ministries as a couple. This may seem like an unconventional approach compared to the latest Cosmopolitan article as I am not inclined to entertain the typical “I am woman hear me roar” mindset, nor do I embrace using men as a door mat and believe that it’s “all about the woman – serve me first”.

Instead I truly believe, respect and love are they key components for success in seeking to help our man reach his fullest potential without inflated expectations, just as a woman wishes for the man to help her achieve God’s work for her life on equal footing.

What a woman of God wants from her man …

1.  Genuinely Seeking the Will of God and Let the Holy Spirit Guide You:

Witnessing a man studying His Bible, or writing down a prayer request of a waiter, passing the offering plate as an usher, teaching a Bible Study, writing a blog for Christian men, praying as a family, reading the Bible out loud with his children before bed, expressing the meaning of Christmas being about Christ and not about gifts and more “stuff”, persuading other men to honor their wives, and anything else to pursue the heart of God is HUGE with a woman. This list is not exhaustive and it certainly isn’t expected that all of this happens at once, but you get the idea … a man who genuinely fears the Lord is a giant in the eyes of woman who also follows the Lord. These actions have to be real and not a facade as eventually the head game will give you away if the heart is not pure.

2. Security:

Security means “I can trust you” … not to leave me if I develop breast cancer or Alzheimers, as I certainly plan to return the favor if something happens to you my man.

It means you will not squander life savings on a secret gambling debt but are actually planning for our family and future of our children. It means we tithe and trust. It means you won’t mess around with other women, especially when I have invested my entire life into you. If you plan to cheat, TELL ME, divorce me, whatever, but don’t try and fool me. Women KNOW when things are not ok.

I want to be able to look the other way and know that my man is mature enough to exercise self control with his mind in any circumstance and would even trust me enough to admit to me that he is struggling in an area so we can BOTH work on it …  that is a challenge for both sexes to do this necessary step with each other. It means you will nurture that loving feeling long after the butterflies are gone and won’t flake at the first or second or third sign of adversity.

3. Humor:

Not silly ridiculous embarrassing humor – but intelligent humor, cute comments, a funny card, a hilarious email, or repeating something adorable our children have said … that makes a woman melt. I am a big sucker for humor … but not at the expense of my body or what is dear to me or someone else we love. If you make a woman laugh … she will be putty in your hands. Endorphins are a key factor here. This quite honestly is ranked second to importance to me as your healthy walk with God.

4. Communicate with Me:

Tell me about your day after you unwind. I don’t have to know how many copies you made on the copier, I just want to know if you are feeling fulfilled with your job, ideas or plans for our business we have built together, and value my input as important as your own. I am your team mate and your biggest cheer leader so give me something to cheer about and do know that the Lord gives women discernment about things men simply don’t have, just like you guys are gifted in ways we women are not gifted in. Don’t Lie To Me – just be honest. When you talk to me and stimulate my MIND … I am all YOURS. Get it?

5. Don’t Compare Me To Other Women and Don’t Correct Me In Front Of Others Unless It Is Life Threatening:

I may or may not have the best body in the group but tell me I am the hottest thing you have ever seen, but not overkill. I know when you are not being honest. Tell me I am beautiful, cooked a fabulous dinner, handled the children correctly, look like I have lost weight, and please don’t ask me to dye or grow out my hair and do a style like another woman you have seen. You married ME, not HER. If you drool over another woman that will not drive me to do better for myself, it will drive me away from YOU. And if you compare me to your mother or sister, expect me to clam up or explode. Just don’t go there! If you wanted mama, you should have married her and don’t tell me I am just like my own mama unless it’s a compliment.

When you correct me on something that is wrong, exercise class and do this in a tender way in private, but please if you are perfectionist, this won’t fly however small or great you think the error is as the fault lies in your inability to be happy with anyone’s best and your list of expectations might be contrary to everything the Word of God says it should be. That’s just called being a jerk with inflated unreasonable expectations.

6. Defend Me:

If someone in my family or my children are rude to me, or anyone for that matter, defend me without losing your temper. Nothing is more degrading than a man that will let his wife be disrespected and does NOTHING to defend her.

7. Be Tender With Me:

Women LOVE tenderness from a strong man and a soft touch that stops at the point of you men wanting more. Touch my hair, brush my cheek with yours, call me during the day to say “hey baby” and remind me that I am a precious part of your heart. That means also being tender with our children and not yelling at them or being impatient. A great daddy is a big hero to a momma. I don’t care if it’s your spiritual gift or not, or my spiritual gift or not, mercy and kindness are highly appreciated and necessary every single day for us both.

8. Be Patient When I Am Hormonal:

Yes, hormones are horrible pests for women at times. Truly there are times we have mood swings that drive us crazy, make us weepy or slap happy, and can alter our entire day beyond our control. If it seems extreme, talk to me carefully and possibly we can get help together on it. Don’t marry a woman who makes you walk around on eggshells cuz hormones will only make it worse … if you tell me your concerns when I am NOT in a hormonal mode, it will fly much better.

9. Say Sorry and Mean It:

When you are wrong say it and get rid of price, and forgive me when I am wrong too. The greatest love you can show is to forgive especially when that person least deserves it. Grace and mercy go a long way even if it means I accidentally backed the Bentley into the garage door. It’s a CAR not a human.

10. Take Care Of Your Body:

I want you around awhile. Please don’t hasten the end of your days with poor unhealthy habits.

11. Make Me #2 Behind God:

I am not equal with our kids, your children from a previous woman, and am not an equal to your mother. The institution of marriage on earth is second to our marriage to Christ. That means you don’t divide the spoils evenly among us …

Now it’s your turn to tell me what you desire from a woman.

Seducing Spirits

If one does not study God’s Word and become heavily familiar with it then one will not be able to recognize the doctrine of demons when it’s presented. The enemy of our souls likes to bear a striking resemblance to our Savior … so it may look good at first glance … but give it time and the enemy will give himself away. The key to wisdom with this one is knowing how quickly to recognize that evil twist early in the game before it takes a foothold in one’s life. It’s much easier to back a toe out than it is the whole body, but all the better not go anywhere near it to begin with because one will recognize danger from far off.

If something seems “off” then beware. You don’t have to stick around to see that evil revealed, trust that the Lord is working diligently to protect you from the unseen.

1 Timothy 4:1, “Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils.”

Pain: Healing A Broken Heart

Pain … an amazing tool that can be used as a deterrent to avoid issues that could invite more debilitating heartache, but one that can also lend to stealing our hope and faith in a new venture or relationship. Pain is a tremendous motivator either way to learn a lesson as to the “take away” that we should glean from a tough circumstance of loss or betrayal, or, it can be utilized for tempting us onto the path of revenge.

Year ago I endured a difficult test of my willingness to forgive, when I fell into the trap of a predator and his schemes during some of the prime years of working in ministry. Wet behind the ears, I had no idea that those tiny signs of “something seems off” were actually an enormous shout from the Lord to avoid oncoming danger lying ahead. After all, predators aren’t supposed to lurk in the church and in ministry especially in positions of leadership, so a young and inexperienced person might assume.

In actuality, the avenue of ministry has the highest level of snares and traps set by the evil one of any area we will ever experience. Ministry has enormous rewards that far surpass the deeds of darkness that are present, so the risk is worth it when we enter that path with eyes wide open, Bible knowledge inscribed onto our hearts, and accountability and wisdom of those around us being our greatest buffer against falling for a scheme.

When that still small voice speaks, the is the FIRST sign that needs to heeded. It either means stop and run, or proceed with caution dressed in our full armor of God.

For me, my antenna was fine tuned after I was bitten by the snake and suffered much harm, which has caused my alertness to seeing danger ahead far more sensitive than it ever has been. It was a great lesson and one I will not willingly choose to repeat.  The greatest challenge was not to nurse a grudge over the pursuit of the predator who indeed meant harm.

A deep grudge is undoubtedly burrowed in some type of offense we have taken by an action or words or even developed by witnessing someone else’s suffering whom we love, at the hand of another. On the flip side, we can harbor ill feelings over a perceived action, but made the fool for our assumptions when we discover all to late that we completely misunderstood an action and all along we fed a firestorm of thoughts and words without ever having checked the facts. In my case, I had to forgive the hand behind the masterful set up that was placed before me, and even wrestled with my own ignorance which ushered in the necessary step eventually of forgiving myself.

Even witnessing an action of evil against someone we love can dramatically affect us down the line if we don’t train our brain not to camp on those actions. We have give up our right to the Lord Who is supremely capable of dealing with “the bad guys.”

When that person walked away and broke a vow when we needed them most, when our boss passed us by on the promotional chain, when we are not paid equal wages as women to men or “grunt worker” compared to the executive, when our children suffer immeasurable pain at someone’s bullying, when we are falsely accused, a friend commits suicide, and so many other ways pain could be administered …  in order to heal and be free,  it requires that vital giant step toward maturity called “surrender”.

Surrender the right to get even … forgive them, forgive yourself, surrender the right to dwell on the loss, surrender the right to think it was “about us” to begin with … for if you are a child of God, that offense was aimed at our Savior by the Enemy of our souls, and you were caught in the crossfire.

If Christ can forgive all, and never bring back that offense as a manipulative tool,  than who are we to hold onto anything against another … even if it is ourselves that needs to be forgiven. As my discipling mentor has always reminded me, “we have no right to draw out sin that has been placed under the blood of Jesus.”

Corrie ten Boom explained that sin has been cast into the deepest ocean with a sign on the shore line posted with “no fishing allowed”. Oh how I love that lady and what wisdom I have gained from studying her life.

No, it does not mean that the offender receives the “ok” for what has been done when we release their actions to the Father, that’s a lie from the devil, but it cuts us loose from the “root of bitterness” that Hebrews 12:15 reminds us to avoid, “see to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

But what about the gamut of feelings, the greatest hurdle we have to conquer in any of these settings, that is so vital for our growth and spiritual wholeness? That requires surrender as well.

I will never forget my good friend and Bible Teacher Triss Brakefield quoting this very truth, “emotions serve as incredible slaves, but they make horrible masters?”

It’s the Lord’s job to serve justice indeed, but just remember this … do we want to endure the same level of heaviness on the scales of justice for our sin as we are hoping the Lord will impose on our enemy? I would say “no” … and that letting go in the way of surrender will bring us great freedom and an enormous appreciation for His grace that served us as described in Romans 5:8b, “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Test after scientific test proves that bitterness and mental pain we have not come to grips with can cause a tumultuous chain reaction in our bodies on the cellular level from hypertension, back pain, ulcers, to strokes. On the other hand, nothing is more glorious than when a person looks us in the eye and forgives us our offenses more than we could ever deserve, loves us unconditionally, entrusts us again with important tasks and a place of favor again. Having been on the receiving end of astounding forgiveness from Christ and from those I have sinned against on this earth, I can no longer look at an offender with distain as I kneel below the cross of Christ in my mind, with His blood droplets dripping down my face, seeing His loving eyes that say, “I am doing this just for you.”

Those three fingers pointing back as I point the accusatory first finger forward are tattooed with “Father, Son, Holy Spirit.”

With emotional pain, it’s incredibly important to place it at the foot of the cross and leave it there, ask Him to break the yoke of slavery to that pain, embrace the grace, and discover that your heart will grow light and free over time. It takes time to work through that process … after all it took three years of ministry to prepare everyone for His crucifixion, a night of betrayal, and all  prior to six hours of torture on a cross, in order to qualify the work done with “it is finished.”

Your identity is not found in their sin against you or your sin you committed against another, rather, it is found in Christ with the renewing of your mind. The cure for bitterness is forgiveness …


broken heart


Screen shot 2014-07-16 at 8.14.09 AMSocial Media Nazies:
1. Grammar Nazi: One who is happy to go on everyone’s page and correct their posts, but never mind their own glaring errors …
2. Blabber Nazi: Those that you never really interact with or may hardly know but are the very ones that monitor the news feed, help themselves to exercise free speech on your’s and everyone else’s page, and are incredibly defensive over nothing with loooong posts of protest!
3. Political Nazi: Did you say you support a political candidate? How dare you! Especially if it’s a conservative one. Oh yah, and they especially hate Sarah Palin.
4. Religion Nazi: One who tries to redefine the Word of God on any posts with Scripture on it. >>> Sorry I don’t think the Creator of the Universe is going to comply with an attempt of twisting His wisdom.
5. Space Invader Nazi: That person that finds you on every social media site, keeps posting on EVERY post you post, friends all your friends, and turns every conversation around to be about themselves.
6. I-Don’t-Have-A-Sense-of-Humor Nazi: People who desperately need to grow a funny bone, and take all jokes and funny posts as an insult.
7. I-Want-You Nazi: The dude that thinks women, married or not, will respond to his suggestive comments and will want to marry him. >>>> GO AWAY PLEASE!
8. Stalker Nazi: That one that you just know is stalking every picture and every little thing that is said … Big Brother is WATCHING … muwaahahaha

The Disqualified Can Be Requalified

 Jesus Peter beach

The most tender and powerful examples of grace come from watching how the Lord God re-qualified the disqualified time and time again throughout His Word; those very followers of His that knew better than to disobey, had been touched and blessed by Him repeatedly, yet still fell into and yielded to temptation, denial, lust, greed, and more. Moses, David, Miriam, the Jewish tribes, the woman caught in adultery, and the list goes on.

Our Lord continued to renew His mercies toward them every morning as evidenced in dozens of examples.

Would we be so kind to exercise that same benevolent spirit extending without reserve that olive branch toward another after the sorrow of small and even horrific blunders and betrayals against us personally? Would we be willing to lift the head of one that feels they are beyond use in the world of ministry ever again? Would we feed them, replenish their feeling of worth, exchange deep conversation, and give them a mission to reinstate their position with us and others?

To me the most moving example of this hand of mercy and grace is the restoration of Peter with Jesus after the betrayal of our Savior as the time of critical mass. The exchange of words and actions after the resurrection on the sea shore one morning when the disciples were fishing in the sea of Galilee … give us details of the formerly fallen Peter and His renewed relationship with Christ.

Can you imagine how Peter felt when he looked across the water to the shore and recognized His Savior waiting for Him perhaps gesturing to them to come closer as their nets were drawing miraculous amounts of that day’s reward from the sea? The guilt mixed with joy mixed with self hatred mixed with and thirst to hear that Jesus truly loved him and forgave him?

Never once do we see Jesus holding Peter’s sin over his head, revisiting the anguish of that famous betrayal, and never once do we see the other disciples chastised when technically they all abandoned their rabbi, teacher, best friend, counselor, and leader at his moment of death, and all undeserved. Never once do we see ANY of the disciples having come to the defense of Him during His pre-crucifixion trial, torture and beatings … yet Christ still restored them all, only mindful that they were fallen human children of His.

Put yourself into the shoes of Peter and feel his delight to see Christ risen again, and imbibe in the feeling of undeserved washing of Words of Jesus as he fed him and the rest of the disciples, loved him, and assigned him a life long critical task of feeding His sheep … From then on it is only evident that the disciples truly began their journey of maturity as we see their growth in their writing and examples of their changed lives which proved their repentance and gave way to the future of the Word being shared for centuries to come. Only after full forgiveness and a reconciliation with the One Who empowered them did they live a life sold out to the Father and possess a heart filled with gratitude due to that restoration.

The Lord has been benevolent beyond anything I could ever endeavor to deserve not only with His merciful hand toward me when least deserved, but also by the obedient loving leadership I have served with and under for decades now. What an example for me to never hold a grudge or manipulate another person due to their indiscretions and shortcomings. But for the grace of God there go I, and there have I gone many times … so I am without excuse to ever trample on the heart of the Lord with sin willfully yet when I do with my sin, He kindly and gently gives me that seventy times seven reservoir of grace and never stops pursuing me as I long to pursue Him and His righteousness.

John 21: 4 – 24, “Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.

He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”
“No,” they answered.

He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.

Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.
Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.” So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.
Jesus Reinstates Peter
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”
Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” Because of this, the rumor spread among the believers that this disciple would not die. But Jesus did not say that he would not die; he only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”