It’s been a mystery for years for the fellas to figure out what it is a woman really wants, the mystery behind her sudden silence, vibrant mood changes, or simply what it is that causes her to become mysteriously distant without explanation.
Being a completely imperfect woman I can only speak from the perspective of what personally makes me tick as a woman, not to mention incorporating a host of explanations carried in from my married and single friends. The goal is only to present this from the point of view of a born again Christian who truly attempts to seek the heart of God, and one who strives to reach emotionally maturity. So many women never attempt singleness for long as they are quick to depend on a man to fulfill a need that only our perfect Lord God, our Father and Husbandman, is entitled to fill.
This message is a communication aid for what this particular lady would love to see a marriage accomplish, which is to compliment our walk with Christ and perspective ministries as a couple. This may seem like an unconventional approach compared to the latest Cosmopolitan article as I am not inclined to entertain the typical “I am woman hear me roar” mindset, nor do I embrace using men as a door mat and believe that it’s “all about the woman – serve me first”.
Instead I truly believe, respect and love are they key components for success in seeking to help our man reach his fullest potential without inflated expectations, just as a woman wishes for the man to help her achieve God’s work for her life on equal footing.
What a woman of God wants from her man …
1. Genuinely Seeking the Will of God and Let the Holy Spirit Guide You:
Witnessing a man studying His Bible, or writing down a prayer request of a waiter, passing the offering plate as an usher, teaching a Bible Study, writing a blog for Christian men, praying as a family, reading the Bible out loud with his children before bed, expressing the meaning of Christmas being about Christ and not about gifts and more “stuff”, persuading other men to honor their wives, and anything else to pursue the heart of God is HUGE with a woman. This list is not exhaustive and it certainly isn’t expected that all of this happens at once, but you get the idea … a man who genuinely fears the Lord is a giant in the eyes of woman who also follows the Lord. These actions have to be real and not a facade as eventually the head game will give you away if the heart is not pure.
Security means “I can trust you” … not to leave me if I develop breast cancer or Alzheimers, as I certainly plan to return the favor if something happens to you my man.
It means you will not squander life savings on a secret gambling debt but are actually planning for our family and future of our children. It means we tithe and trust. It means you won’t mess around with other women, especially when I have invested my entire life into you. If you plan to cheat, TELL ME, divorce me, whatever, but don’t try and fool me. Women KNOW when things are not ok.
I want to be able to look the other way and know that my man is mature enough to exercise self control with his mind in any circumstance and would even trust me enough to admit to me that he is struggling in an area so we can BOTH work on it … that is a challenge for both sexes to do this necessary step with each other. It means you will nurture that loving feeling long after the butterflies are gone and won’t flake at the first or second or third sign of adversity.
Not silly ridiculous embarrassing humor – but intelligent humor, cute comments, a funny card, a hilarious email, or repeating something adorable our children have said … that makes a woman melt. I am a big sucker for humor … but not at the expense of my body or what is dear to me or someone else we love. If you make a woman laugh … she will be putty in your hands. Endorphins are a key factor here. This quite honestly is ranked second to importance to me as your healthy walk with God.
4. Communicate with Me:
Tell me about your day after you unwind. I don’t have to know how many copies you made on the copier, I just want to know if you are feeling fulfilled with your job, ideas or plans for our business we have built together, and value my input as important as your own. I am your team mate and your biggest cheer leader so give me something to cheer about and do know that the Lord gives women discernment about things men simply don’t have, just like you guys are gifted in ways we women are not gifted in. Don’t Lie To Me – just be honest. When you talk to me and stimulate my MIND … I am all YOURS. Get it?
5. Don’t Compare Me To Other Women and Don’t Correct Me In Front Of Others Unless It Is Life Threatening:
I may or may not have the best body in the group but tell me I am the hottest thing you have ever seen, but not overkill. I know when you are not being honest. Tell me I am beautiful, cooked a fabulous dinner, handled the children correctly, look like I have lost weight, and please don’t ask me to dye or grow out my hair and do a style like another woman you have seen. You married ME, not HER. If you drool over another woman that will not drive me to do better for myself, it will drive me away from YOU. And if you compare me to your mother or sister, expect me to clam up or explode. Just don’t go there! If you wanted mama, you should have married her and don’t tell me I am just like my own mama unless it’s a compliment.
When you correct me on something that is wrong, exercise class and do this in a tender way in private, but please if you are perfectionist, this won’t fly however small or great you think the error is as the fault lies in your inability to be happy with anyone’s best and your list of expectations might be contrary to everything the Word of God says it should be. That’s just called being a jerk with inflated unreasonable expectations.
6. Defend Me:
If someone in my family or my children are rude to me, or anyone for that matter, defend me without losing your temper. Nothing is more degrading than a man that will let his wife be disrespected and does NOTHING to defend her.
7. Be Tender With Me:
Women LOVE tenderness from a strong man and a soft touch that stops at the point of you men wanting more. Touch my hair, brush my cheek with yours, call me during the day to say “hey baby” and remind me that I am a precious part of your heart. That means also being tender with our children and not yelling at them or being impatient. A great daddy is a big hero to a momma. I don’t care if it’s your spiritual gift or not, or my spiritual gift or not, mercy and kindness are highly appreciated and necessary every single day for us both.
8. Be Patient When I Am Hormonal:
Yes, hormones are horrible pests for women at times. Truly there are times we have mood swings that drive us crazy, make us weepy or slap happy, and can alter our entire day beyond our control. If it seems extreme, talk to me carefully and possibly we can get help together on it. Don’t marry a woman who makes you walk around on eggshells cuz hormones will only make it worse … if you tell me your concerns when I am NOT in a hormonal mode, it will fly much better.
9. Say Sorry and Mean It:
When you are wrong say it and get rid of price, and forgive me when I am wrong too. The greatest love you can show is to forgive especially when that person least deserves it. Grace and mercy go a long way even if it means I accidentally backed the Bentley into the garage door. It’s a CAR not a human.
10. Take Care Of Your Body:
I want you around awhile. Please don’t hasten the end of your days with poor unhealthy habits.
11. Make Me #2 Behind God:
I am not equal with our kids, your children from a previous woman, and am not an equal to your mother. The institution of marriage on earth is second to our marriage to Christ. That means you don’t divide the spoils evenly among us …
Now it’s your turn to tell me what you desire from a woman.